I saw I’d received a (disturbing) text from my wife last night – who was two rooms away when she sent it – and I said to myself don’t read it right before bed (9:30) and I read it and alarms and crazies and fears and emotions went off in my head and I was up and stayed up and waking up through much of the night. And I decided to write about it here in detail, all through the night I rehearsed – and then I decided not to.
I’ve heard it said that your Higher Power does for you what you cannot do for yourself. That is, if you believe in that sort of thing. I do, and there’s much evidence lately and sometimes it’s as clear as a bell and sometimes you (I) can’t see the forest from the trees and sometimes it works like “this sucks” and “why me?” and down the road – what? Two days? two weeks? Two months? – sometime later, upon reflection, speaking for me, it’s like I’d of never got here if there wasn’t a “there” and yup the “there’s” lately hurt so bad…….But – still, there’s that doing for me what I can’t on my own and they also say there’s a plan for me, if you believe in that, and way back in ’84 Dick M, mentor and cool guy, said I didn’t have to know the plan, when I asked why I didn’t, and if I did know, he said, it I’d probably fuck it up.
And those proceeding two paragraphs are likely just rambles, my this Friday version of letting it all hang out, and I’ve received great, sweet news and offerings today and potentially really bad possibilities close ahead today and maybe things are being done for me I can’t manage on my own, and I bet in fact there is a plan for me about which I’m mostly clueless, and back in the day – my Wareham High School and Cape Cod Community and Salem State days – we were fond to say “Keep on keeping on.” And I was just upstairs packing books I cherish into boxes headed for storage and who knows how many miles from where I may land, and making lunch for the kid, and recycling all kinds of things that mattered a few years back but not so much today, and I’m not feeling the thank God for Friday thing because it means another day has come and is going and the end of the month is closer and this right here will all be over and gone and, so, what else can a 72-year old cat do but keep on keeping on.
All I got.