times here now
(The following lifted from a today practice writing 25:25 session.)
“I wish I had it in me to write the Blog right now and maybe I do, maybe the sitting here and tap tap tapping the keys with an index-ian dexterity will wake something up in the ole brain cells, could happen, and it’ll be copy and paste time kids and the deed complete yet one more weekday and I will (ceremoniously, in my mind) fall on my knees with big thanks and gratitude, a behavior becoming more familiar and part of the daily milieu, sort of like ritual, with each passing day. That, clearly, a good thing, the act of saying thank you, and I suppose there are antecedents to little kid prayers like lots of us were taught – Protestants anyway, can’t speak for the Catholics – and being grateful and politely asking for more blessings, which gets to be a lot of blessings doing it every night, and anyway, I am a grateful guy and on less often occasions these strays I can stray off the gratitude beam, and sometimes I do, and it makes me sad and no doubt it makes me unnecessarily suffer – and here I recall my first call-him mentor Dick M. always saying to me ‘Your Higher Power didn’t bring you this far to suffer’, and say that’s true, then it stands that any suffering I’m doing is by invitation only, my invite, and there is good news and that’s the rare strays away from consistent awareness of my blessings, those straying times are fewer and farther between – why they stand out so dramatically – and are noticed by me much quicker, and quicker with every – say – month I’m allowed to keep waking up and showing up on the planet.”
“…and anyway I haven’t found the spark to get me back in the chair before the keyboard making cool stuff up and I sure hope I do soon, there’s no wife to devote my time to, no son to chase around the house and watch a zillion movies with, and yes it’s possible I may find myself with a two-day-a-week job in the next few weeks, more to be revealed following Monday’s interview, the point is this is the absolutely right time and place to return to my writer’s ways and in fact go beyond where this Buddy has gone before and be one of those all-in, true writers and wake up ready to go and put in three or four or five hours ever day, maybe skip Saturdays, and just pour myself out onto the keyboard and the electric screen, oh, there’s so much waiting on me.
“So this is a big wish of mine now, learning to surf a smaller wish and having enough money coming in to get close to the money going out and keep on being a big walker and keep on being braver than before and be kind and treat animals and insects kindly and if I get to work with humans again, always – always – keep my eyes on the prize which is how do I help someone (s) have a bigger, better, more full and joyous life? What else is human services for? So, ramble on space cadet and there’s a ton of stuff on my four or five various-size try-for-these-things-pads of paper and one today says swimming and it was cloudy and now it’s brightened up and it’s 1.9 miles to the beach and ocean, though maybe another mile away catching a legit parking place, of course me with Cali plates now looking like a local for sures – I can see myself chatting up some surfer dudes, like, ‘My homies, back at Venice Beach in the 60’s you couldn’t imagine the times, kooks and locals and the beginning of things, so always exciting’, and think of it I’m right in the beginning of things again, 1000 miles from the life I was living and knowing and the girl I was so crazy in love with, and now look at me, Cali plates and a room I can afford awhile and every single day/night since I got here July 3 over at the beach as a sun and surf worshiper, up on the cliffy, benched overlook in honor of the Universe giggling in my direction, and maybe others are better at telling when there are gifts all wrapped up in what appear to be sorrows and shitstorms, I’m better than before I guess (though the divorce word fooled me a whole bunch), yes, I’m way more at one with the Vonnegut line that ‘Strange travel suggestions may be dancing lessons from God’, so I guess I’m dancing my older days away now, and I wouldn’t mind trying the stroll as the dance of choice the next few days.”
Can you dig the stroll?