you can drive my car

Yesterday I struggled with technology – computer stuff. Yesterday I struggled with changing car insurance, and with so much money flowing out and away this March, a cause for a potential shift in insurers. I simply do not “do” systems, and technology, well. Perhaps I come to them already alive with those stories. I’m a smidge better with the money thing. Something like acceptance.

Yesterday I had thrilling moments with the barista next store at Starbucks, Daniel, and with my best pal and co-conspirator Gavin in Oakland – able to truly ‘be there’ with both, in person and on the phone, free to say thank you’s and share the love within me, express deep gratitude. Listen pretty good too. Yesterday I was gifted with Ann’s voice over the telephone line twice, even a bit of in-person time before the Monday later-in-the-morning sunrise. And the joy of driving my car, expensively insured, listening to Sly and the Reid brothers and Television. I got to spend some time close by the ocean as well, later-in-the-evening sunset. I took myself there.

The Buddhist nun Pema Chodron writes often about “Maitri”, a word for loving-kindness. Loving-kindness for others, and, most importantly so don’t forget, loving-kindness for ourselves. In this case, in this post, me. Loving-kindness when I can’t understand a technical thing, kindness for myself when I already know that before I start. Kindness and love for myself when I struggle dealing with systems, their human minders and translators. When I sit at the keyboard this Tuesday morning, already knowing backwards I’d flounder around with the car insurance thing, with the downloads and uploads and frozen screens. Love and kindness for all of it. For imperfect, screw-it-up me. And for gentle, giving, sharing me too.

This is compassion.

Oh – Today is Ann’s birthday. She’s not someone who will go around telling you that, so I will. Ann’s a big example for me with loving-kindness. For sharing and giving out in the day. For being selfless. And it’s her birthday.