My computer was hit by a trillion virus-like intrusions today. I kept being kicked out and away from the things I was trying to do – scary “Fatal Error” blue-screen messages and no cursor to be see, I had to manually shut the computer off then turn back-on, try to recover the Word docs and this very Blog site and important other things and bang , it would happen again. After a while I ran a couple of cleaning programs and a defraggler someone had installed (whatever defraggling is) and that takes forever so I went away and only now have come back (4:30) and I’m here so something must have gotten better.
If only that was the worst of it. My problem de jur. Like regular, normal life stuff. Flat tire, bat in the attic, returned letter you forgot the stamp, cable out, overdrawn debit, stuff like that. No the bigger stuff. The way more difficult stuff. The life upside down stuff.
When I fled the defraggling computer I went for what I think will be the first of two walks today. I did the walk I’ve pretty much always been walking this last month, down to the tree-lined middle of the road dirt path up to Reed College and back, probably two and a quarter miles, and I had on the to-do list from this morning’s time in the recliner with coffees and steno pads to make two morning walk calls. A friend and one-time co-worker back on Cape Cod, and a guy who lives in Florida who grew up five houses from me, meaning we’ve been friends for 66 or 67 years, and in touch sooner or later all along the way. When I called the guy on Cape Cod who’d texted me he’d just heard about my month-long problem de jur, the upside down one, and he was devastated he said and please call him tomorrow which was what I did on the walk today, and we were 30 seconds into the call when he told me he’d received an emergency call from the cops or medical people at a local hospital last night – right after his text to me – and that his son had been rushed in —– and passed away shortly later. Tears came to my eyes and I said I would hold him in my heart – the way folks have been holding me – and he left for the funeral home and I had the conversation about “You think you’ve got it bad, it’s just a marriage, it’s just an address, it’s not this.” I flashed on both my boys.
Five minutes later I called my childhood friend and I told him and he said it was truly terrible and it also didn’t mean my going-away marriage and going-away home weren’t also terrible and painful and drenched in sadness. Life on life’s terms those don’t-drink-one-day-at-a-time folks say. It all truly sucks my friend said. After a while we finished our call and I walked home and did some packing and Zoomed into San Diego for an hour and did more packing and then Spenser and I did some in his room and we had our Friday weigh-in and I drove him to Subway for his dinner and then I came back to the basement and the computer was working enough for me to write about all these troubles – little ones and the others, the ones which ache down deep – all the way.
And that’s all I have to say. It’s Friday. If the creek don’t rise I’ll be back here Monday. Please stay safe, and hug everyone you’ve got to hug.