Category: Uncategorized

oh my head

Here’s the second dictionary definition of “labile” – “Of or characterized by emotions that are easily aroused or freely expressed, and that tend to alter quickly and spontaneously; emotionally unstable.” Someone’s been reading my mail. But first, let me take a stroll down memory lane all the way back to 1984, 1985, some of ’86.…

By BuddyCushman 06/15/2021 2

loop de loop

I sat down here, Monday 1:20, leaning over a small ottoman on which sits my laptop. On which I’m typing this – amazingly slowly – my first ever Blog from here, and what I remember as a kid’s song – “Here we go loop de loop” came floating on into my head, I guess the…

By BuddyCushman 06/14/2021 0

I’m in love friday

Kind of a Cure anagram there, if you can dig that. And coming is stream of consciousness, no available topic, updates to friends including a call from my bosom pal Garden State Mike from over there by the Jersey shore, lost track of time and logged on wicked late to the second Zoom meeting of…

By BuddyCushman 06/11/2021 2

scammers get back

Today has been a day of irrationalities. It began well, up on time, crack ‘o dawn, all morning rituals, Morning Pages completed in the notebook resting on a hardcover Pablo Picasso Retrospective, which I carry around to open and be artistically stimulated but these days only serves as a desktop on the futon in Kate’s…

By BuddyCushman 06/10/2021 4

the faith

I had a vision yesterday of how this particular post would look, sound, and read. But that’s all gone. The idea of living life one day at a time had never been more vivid and tangible for me, ever, 72 years worth and (thankfully) still counting. So I (thank you Great Spirit) wake up today…

By BuddyCushman 06/09/2021 2

Just after six

It’s just after six Tuesday night. Somehow the plans to write an early afternoon post got scuttled. Actually, I’m sure I could relate in detail pretty much exactly how that happened – Bad phone call with perspective roommate – a big “No.” Lost touch with angel offering two weeks from which to reconnoiter locally (not…

By BuddyCushman 06/09/2021 0

a new dawn

Grace Slick said that at Woodstock, with the Airplane. “It’s a new dawn.” Right before she said her kind of famous “Good morning people.” I myself wasn’t at Woodstock, kind of blew it skipping that, but my younger sister went. I know what Grace said, though, because I’ve seen the movie a bunch and listened…

By BuddyCushman 06/07/2021 0

signing off

Hello. This will be my lost post in the Couch Surfing Blog I submit from Portland, OR. I’m leaving Sunday. It feels like it’s been a real good run, being here in Portland, on my own (mostly) for the first year and then luckily going on a ‘Match’ blind date and meeting a woman who…

By BuddyCushman 06/04/2021 2

Emotional Recuse

I sit here at my computer, late Thursday morning, and I could and maybe want to write many things here at Couch Surfing that – even me hearing them as I consider the words – would sound like feeling sorry for myself. I don’t want to do that because that’s not how I feel. I…

By BuddyCushman 06/03/2021 0

Late

Late to the party, ho-hay, I made a thing with myself (vow seems too heavy, commitment too math-like), anyway I told myself I would write my first post from the laptop today – what with the imminent dissembling of the computer, day after tomorrow or next, and I better make sure I can get it…

By BuddyCushman 06/03/2021 0

The Mysterians

These are the final five days in this house for me. This house into which I moved in May of 2010. The house in which I became an artist again after a quite long gap from the fourth grade. The house in which I wrote and published eight books, in the process becoming a poet…

By BuddyCushman 06/01/2021 0

Tra-la-la

Oh, late Friday afternoon, is it me or are the minutes, hours, and days whizzing by. Like it was just Tuesday when I was dropping Spenser at his soon-to-be new home over with Aaron in the next town of Gresham, 15 miles in driving distance but a route from one of Dante’s lower levels of…

By BuddyCushman 05/28/2021 0

Which Side Are You On?

On April 14th, a Wednesday, at almost exactly 11 o’clock in the morning my wife – beginning the talk she said she wanted to have, said to me, “This is going to be hard, especially for you, but I want a divorce.” Yeah, it was hard, harder than almost anything, and it still is. That…

By BuddyCushman 05/27/2021 1

Which Side

I felt I had a long, organized, well-thought-out, word piece for this Couch Surfing home for today, this Wednesday, exactly six weeks since my life flipped over and the world changed in an instant – my world anyways, and my kid’s. So this morning up in the recliner, say 5:45, I had this cool idea…

By BuddyCushman 05/26/2021 0

A Blueridge

It’s days like today I wish I’d started keeping a journal back from like when I was 10 up until yesterday. The ongoing scribbled story of my life. First, I think journaling is cool, and lately for me this Blog space has felt something what I expect writing in a journal feels like, especially since…

By BuddyCushman 05/25/2021 0

Technical Difficulties?

The keyboard on which I’m typing this Monday morning sits on the old Cushman kitchen table from when I was a kid living with my parents and two sisters in Wareham, Massachusetts and which my mother gifted to me some 50 years ago and which has been hauled and motorvated and delivered back and forth…

By BuddyCushman 05/24/2021 2

Guarantees

I got on a bus in Laguna Beach, CA New Year’s Eve 1982 and hopped off in downtown Boston at the Park Street station four days and 96 hours later. A guy named Bob was there to pick me up and take me back to his apartment in Medford for what I hoped would be…

By BuddyCushman 05/21/2021 0

Judge Joe Will

Sometime early in the 1990’s I was living in Florida and working in Deland as a “Delinquency Case Manager”. That was a formal, human service-y name for a juvenile probation officer – employed by the State of Florida. At any given time I had 20-30 kids on my caseload, almost all of whom were good…

By BuddyCushman 05/20/2021 3

Seeing, Believing

Late afternoon, empty mind, dust in the nose and down the lungs, serious Spenser room diving in – him the “Star”, me his “employee” – now late and nothing here (Couchsurfing) yet and the promise, the vow, of M-F posts will be kept, and I was thinking of Dr. Wayne Dyer, who’s cassette tapes I…

By BuddyCushman 05/18/2021 0

Running Empty

If you’re older, like me, you probably remember the Jackson Browne song “Running on Empty”. It came to my mind in the recliner this morning, second cup of coffee dwindling, notebooks askew, and when the song arrived I knew through and through there was not a thing metaphoric about it. These days (another Browne piece…

By BuddyCushman 05/17/2021 0

…….

My computer was hit by a trillion virus-like intrusions today. I kept being kicked out and away from the things I was trying to do – scary “Fatal Error” blue-screen messages and no cursor to be see, I had to manually shut the computer off then turn back-on, try to recover the Word docs and…

By BuddyCushman 05/15/2021 0

Briefly

Late to the keyboard today, most of which has struggled past. I’ll be brief. This has been a wipe out day. I was wiped out, fully, by 7:30 am, where I could be found at the basement table, weeping over my then-unfinished Morning Pages. Earlier, at 5:30, I’d read two texts from a former college…

By BuddyCushman 05/14/2021 1

Do-si-Do

On a walk last night I got to thinking about yin and yang – yin-yang. In fact, those three words have slipped into and through my mind a number of times the last few weeks. To be honest, I’ve never truly understood their meaning or if yin was the ‘good’ one and yang the ‘bad’,…

By BuddyCushman 05/12/2021 0

Recycled Me

Monday’s a recycle day on this street. This street in Portland, Oregon where I magically appeared some 11 years ago, and from which I will leave one final time at month’s end. I admit that the water’s around me have grown, and the times are a-changing. Anyway, sometime late morning or early afternoon the recycle…

By BuddyCushman 05/11/2021 1

Kindness’s

Henry David Thoreau said the kindest thing a human being can do is to allow another human being to help them. Maybe not in those words exactly, but that was his point – be kind….let somebody help. Those don’t-drink-one-day-at-a-time people have, I’m told, a saying which says this – “You’ve got to give it away…

By BuddyCushman 05/10/2021 1

Keep on….

I saw I’d received a (disturbing) text from my wife last night – who was two rooms away when she sent it – and I said to myself don’t read it right before bed (9:30) and I read it and alarms and crazies and fears and emotions went off in my head and I was…

By BuddyCushman 05/07/2021 1

Out of the Closet

My son Spenser and I began this afternoon the work of cleaning out his closet. For the upcoming move. Like some crash sale – everything must go. Regular readers of the Blog likely know Spenser has Down Syndrome. Which means his thinking process is unique and works just fine for him except when it doesn’t.…

By BuddyCushman 05/07/2021 2

Dumpster Divinations

In the mornings I think about stuff. With two or three coffees, and even more (thinking) lately since I stopped reading three weeks ago. Can’t get a grip on the words. So it’s me and coffee and three steno pads and one wire-bound notebook, a Bic medium pen, and whatever random thoughts stroll in, float…

By BuddyCushman 05/05/2021 4

Me and Fats

It’s hard. Some days are hard. I woke at 3 a.m. and could not fall back asleep a long time – whirring and swirling, wondering, wondering – and I fell asleep at some point and woke up into this Monday and my thought was, it’s hard. Last night, on a walk, a friend I don’t…

By BuddyCushman 05/03/2021 0

it felt like friday

Emperor Wu of Liang asked the great master Bodhidharma, “What is the main point of this holy teaching?” “Vast emptiness, nothing holy,” said Bodhidharma. “Who are you, standing in front of me?” asked the emperor. ” “I do not know,” said Bodhidharma. The emperor didn’t understand. Bodhidharma crossed the Yangtze River and went to the…

By BuddyCushman 04/30/2021 0

Supposed to Be

Back in the early eighties I had a mentor kind of guy named Dick M. That was his name. He was one of those don’t drink just today folks, and as he was indeed a mentor to me, I guess I was to. I sure liked him a lot, and he seemed to like me.…

By BuddyCushman 04/29/2021 0

What Johann and Joe Said

I think it was this past Friday, out on one of these real long walks I’ve been taking twice a day the last couple of weeks, a thought came to me, each word clear in my head, the thought resonating through my entire being – soul and all. It was this: “Give all my energy…

By BuddyCushman 04/28/2021 1

The Next Right Thing

I’ve always liked that saying, from whenever I first heard it, I think maybe with the don’t drink one day people, or it could have been in one or another residential setting with some loopy adolescents. Don’t remember. But, I always liked it, with its implicit action of course: Do the next right thing. Lately…

By BuddyCushman 04/27/2021 1

There’s a Lot to It

I can see it like it was yesterday. Summer into fall, 2007, the sun is shining, the days are balmy, welcoming. The Red Sox are winning. There’s me, crashing on a loft bed wide open above the kitchen of my sister Sandy’s house. Her house along with my brother-in-law DeeDee. Yeah, he’s got a more…

By BuddyCushman 04/26/2021 4

With a Little Help….

“No man is a failure who has friends.” If you are like me, and kind of stuck on the holiday movie “It’s a Wonderful Life”, you know that is what the angel Clarence writes to George Bailey after dramatically showing him he, George, had indeed lived a wonderful life. I bring this up because a…

By BuddyCushman 04/23/2021 3

Tweet, Tweedle-Lee-Dee

In his book “Cat’s Cradle” Kurt Vonnegut Jr. has a line which says this: “Strange travel suggestions may be dancing lessons from God.” I read that book in college, along with most everyone else, maybe late 60’s, early 70’s. That line pulled me in from the get-go: “Strange travel suggestions.” “Dancing lessons from God.” I…

By BuddyCushman 04/21/2021 1

That B

I just got back from a pre-surgery nasal swab Covid test. It, the swabbing, kind of tickled. Tickled is good. On the way to the medical center I was listening to The Byrds. On the way back it was the Beach Boys. Last night looking at a Padres/Brewers baseball game the announcers got talking about…

By BuddyCushman 04/20/2021 2

Little Did I Know

I had a mentor of sorts I’d found back in the early 80’s – this cool gay guy who was helping me out with the whole don’t drink and drug thing. He was forever telling me that there was “a plan” for me, that my Higher Power – whatever that was – surely had a…

By BuddyCushman 04/19/2021 3

Bell Tell

Not really, good old Bell Telephone, but it’s a phrase I remember and pretty much the only company you got in the ear-to-ear, handing on the wall, 20-foot curly cord so as to be able to walk around the kitchen and prep dinner or prep the dishes or scramble some eggs and drop the toast…

By BuddyCushman 04/16/2021 2

What Eddie C. Said

I am usually ‘Mr. counting my blessings every 10 minutes’. Paying my best attention – as the Buddhists say, noticing, noticing, noticing – and taking note of how gorgeous the day and planet can be, is in fact when that is where as a species we all go. A guy I knew long ago, Eddie…

By BuddyCushman 04/15/2021 2

Old Saying

A few people I knew long ago use to say that if you walked into a room full of people and everyone had thrown their troubles in a pile on the floor, you’d be lucky if you grabbed your own when you left. What do ya think? Wednesday.

By BuddyCushman 04/15/2021 3

Nothing about Nothing

Six days from now – exactly 38 years ago – I met a guy named Frenchie. He was a longshoreman from Charlestown, MA, retired, a bad back, and he traveled all about the greater Somerville vicinity with a couple of cats named Eddie G. and Jack. By chance having stumbled into this trio, and in…

By BuddyCushman 04/13/2021 1

Colors

Purples, pink, pale oranges – sunrise paints. My Morning Pages written, perhaps a smidge more somber than other mornings. Still – just waking up is a victory. And I laugh out loud with my reading and coffee, following 22 minutes in the meditation chair. I may be a Buddha (Buddya) but I sit with my…

By BuddyCushman 04/12/2021 0

Show and Tell

This photo, Thursday, taken just after 8am, in my car. See the three – it’s show and tell. Left to right – That baseball, familiar baseball stitching, that baseball has traveled with me out and about, hither and thither, a big hunk of my life. Found in the infield of the track at the old…

By BuddyCushman 04/09/2021 2

Coming to My Census

I jerked up and out of a coma-like sleep in this afternoon’s recliner, I’d been reading “The Letters of William Burroughs”, wide awake and meanwhile as well to the accompaniment of two cups of Allen’s Corvallis coffee, four bags arriving in a box in the mail today and one freshly opened and perked and heavenly,…

By BuddyCushman 04/08/2021 0

So Young

Beach Boys, “So Young” alternative take, post dinner dishes, Allen Ginsberg piling up in on-line book carts, it’s all about the war Baby. Like the song says, “…Then Mama’s baby will have seen the last of me. I’m about the transcribing, Holmes, the story telling, documenting the moments, we share in ways and we change…

By BuddyCushman 04/07/2021 0

Considering Me

I’ve come to be slightly more gentle with myself, over time, and an example is my plan for this Monday afternoon which is drive over to the Cleveland High School track and walk around it either 12 or 14 times, depending on stamina in the  moment, track milieu including weather temps, wind velocities, and sunshine-iness,…

By BuddyCushman 04/05/2021 0

Scavenging

Dust bunnies rolling around my head later here Thursday night. Did some good stuff, worthwhile, support the family, try to stay healthy, a bit quieter today. Daydreamed, on morning walk, about an extended stretch of silence, like four or five days without any talk. Be hard, the wife, the kid, but it’s a thought. These…

By BuddyCushman 04/02/2021 0