dawn thru blinds

There are leaf-blowers outside, walking the different levels. Squadrons of leaf-blowers. Sent here to the condo complex after yesterday’s storm. The noise is unpleasant. I’ve sent money this morning to my boys for Christmas, discussions with both about likely use, some allowing there for me to feel like I’ve had the opportunity to participate in possibly my favorite activity of the year – shopping with all my heart and devotion for unique presents for those I love.

This year Cameron and his family are 2000 miles away. Spenser, with his new family, is 1001. I have no wife, for whom I received the most enjoyment the past 11 years, getting her just-for-her stuff, usually a surprise, almost always loved. But not this Christmas.

This Christmas is different for me, and I once in a while have to remind myself it’s Christmas, and when I walk and especially at night I look in windows for all things Christmas. That’s good. There’s some sadness this season, likely more than I tell myself, and much joy for my life and for my boys and my daughter-in-law and grandkids. I feel Christmas in my heart for my friends too, likely some renewal there. It even feels like winter, even here in San Diego, though no way as much as up in Portland, or way over in Massachusetts.

It’s different this year, not all of it, but lot’s. The way it is. Today’s a Wednesday, I keep coming here (to Couch Surfing) out of an obligation to my word to myself. I feel freer to write most anything now, it’s how I am, it’s what matters, it’s the way I want to live all the days I get. Writing from right then.

I know it’s Christmas, usually, and it makes me happy. Thinking about others is a real good thing.