giving time

08/09/2021 0 By BuddyCushman

There’s a saying – give time time. I know it and I do remember it. Then I forget it. Then – oh yeah – I remember it again. And then I forget it. Again.

Maybe that makes me an outlier. Maybe that makes me normal. Falling out of consciousness that things take time. Changes take time. Grief takes time, and even a fountain of joy and hope. That takes time to gather, time to acknowledge. Time to hang onto.

On a walk this morning it dawned on me that it took me four months to find a job when I moved to Portland, back there in ’08. It’s taken me five weeks here. It no doubt took me a long time to come upon people – or they come upon me – who became friends or confidants or reflections of just enough. It hasn’t happened here yet, but I imagine it will. If I only remember to give time time. I’ve been desperately lonely and it really hasn’t been that much time. Grief has come running to me, maybe it sauntered up, all of a sudden it was very large and powerful, and friends on the phone let me know you ain’t seen nothing yet. Just give it time. And the healing part too, which for me right now feels a million miles away. I don’t know. Possibly there will be healing, in time.

Three months ago I had no place to live. And no job to pay for one if I found it. Now I do (a room) and I have very mixed feelings about it, and a couple of days ago – when I was flying from one mood to another – I said to myself, “Let’s see how it goes.” It feels like some of the best advice I’v heard from anyone – especially me – in a while. And it’s got some of that time time quality to it.

There’s so much evidence in my life lately that amazing things can happen, they do happen, and reminders no one’s getting excused from the other stuff. Time tells.

If you come across me, and that happens primarily here and through my writing, and you find me whining, frustrated, frightened, angry, dumbfounded, ever, even for just a split-second, looking upon “Now what?” as a bad thing, please do me a favor. Tap my on the shoulder and say something like, “Yo, couch surfer, gtt.” It will be appreciated.