loop de loop

06/14/2021 0 By BuddyCushman

I sat down here, Monday 1:20, leaning over a small ottoman on which sits my laptop. On which I’m typing this – amazingly slowly – my first ever Blog from here, and what I remember as a kid’s song – “Here we go loop de loop” came floating on into my head, I guess the strangeness of setting and the sense of I better be learning to use this machine a heck of a lot more than just the now-beyond-regular zoom meetings (the Dell here with a camera, the desktop Lenovo over there on Kate’s coffee table with none. – Mr. high-tech, that’s me.)

And the coffee maker’s out here as well so the perking doesn’t wake Kate back in the house from her 5:30 slumber after my crazy-early meditations and there’s a transitory carry-it-all-along feel to my life now and I suspect for some time to come. And this weekend had crazy emotional and psychic ups and downs, yesterday itself themed by the Ohio Players “Roller Coaster of Love”, and I find myself stopping and it could be on the couch or in the meditation chair or on this ottoman companion, or way over on the lop-sided track in the park a quarter mile away, my third or fourth time around, yup I stop and realize a distinct thought has entered my life space – kind of like the loop de loop thing but usually bigger in terms of life enhancing and impacting choices – and I pay attention to the arrival and take note and so often in the last two months – today the exact anniversary of April 14 and the divorce talk – I make a decision and take action. Some of yesterday’s decisions brought me up and some took me down and I was so weary ending the day, and I’d learned Spenser was staying in Idaho an extra day meaning today was mine to easy does it, please, and yet early on new and important thoughts showed up and I just went and acted on them. Like I’ve been doing since the middle of April. And the fact is there’s 17 more days in this bartered living space to see how they turn out.

All of which explains – to me at least – the little kids singing loop de loop, I swear I can hear their very voices from more than 60 years back, and one choice effects another and that was that and okay this is this and well that’s settled, for better or worse, and now what? And if this is more mush thanks for staying if you have and good choice if you bailed because this Monday I have a sharp awareness of time and my oldie-car calendar is open over there on Kate’s couch and it looks at me in a keep-me-in-mind-Holmes way, and I’ve zoomed this morning to a couple of beach towns in California and texted to Encinitas and been rejected or good lucked from all over, and yesterday I sent out updates to about 15 people who have been the most kind and generous and loving with and toward me these last eight weeks and I could write a new one today and it’d be real different and honest and truly all me, which is pretty much this Blog space as well, now kind of cool, sort of, and perhaps mystical in the fact I am couch surfing at 70 – with new decisions today and a new couch now needed the first half of next month.

And when all is said/done and I check for typos and possibly a word switcheroo or two for easier reading I’ll hit the blue “Publish” button up there and among so many firsts here at age 72 will be another – Blogging off the laptop.