Nancy Would Have Said ‘No’ (a 30:30 report)

07/10/2020 0 By BuddyCushman

In the background, as background music to this saga, is the Cream song “I Feel Free”, which if you are not familiar with that particular tune is for sure your personal loss and absolute cultural deprivation, which could be a suggestion from the God of all aural gods to rush out and go pick up a copy of “The Best Of”, that surely includes the aforementioned song, or possibly better yet “Fresh Cream” that band’s debut vinyl and a blessing upon 1060’s ears everywhere and I could mention in some detail the rather famous trio of young men who made up that English group and maybe if I get real stealthy I can slip that somewhere down the bottom of the house-meeting agenda and no one will notice and everyone will think someone else put it there and hopefully folks will be too wasted to give a lot of thought as to just who because they all know each other good, which that state of reality occurs with long-time roommates – the cast of today’s tale who we will introduce in a moment –

And as if so often your scribe and simultaneous translator from the original glimmish of channeled dictatums (?) would just present the facts as they are but has, yup, again spent more than a few minutes and upwards of 200 precious words – which not only do we tend to focus on word count but we for sure, in this day and age when you’re lucky just to wake up again and never mind the whole fucking planet hasn’t imploded while you were sleeping — meaning we need to make every word count, and yours truly, ibid, spends a more than fair amount in what might be very loosely classified as a preface, maybe even with looser definitions, an introduction, and if you want to get all giddy and silly perhaps I will tell you what you have just read is the afterword of this tale which the White Rabbit and Cheshire Cat and newly appointed princess Alice have ordained should come at the beginning of today’s adventure – Which,

Oh, here it is: We find ourselves today eavesdropping on the weekly late Saturday afternoon house meeting of the five residents of 17211 Paloma Ave in Venice, California, which Paloma here is not the sweet little enclave just up from the infamous boardwalk which attracts visitors and tourists and weirdos from parts everywhere, no this end of Paloma has crossed all the way over Lincoln and we find our eavesdropping selves up near the canals, which are probably not quite as well known as the boardwalk, but still, they are pretty rad and who wouldn’t love the chance to live on one of them, they were designed on the Italy originals, if my memory isn’t too shot after something like 16 years of wicked substance abuse (which is the way it would be described by people like ICE assholes and Nancy Reagan who in my opinion – and here I move outside my role as totally neutral scribe and offer a personal view — Nancy was okay

in my book, and probably deserves some pity for having to spend part of everyday (other than when he was in Berlin for his 15 minutes of German fame) with that asshole Ronald, who gets a free pass for, oh, I don’t know, fucking up the country forever with the deregulation hoodoo and trickle down horseshit – well, well, enough of that and here I am back as your scribe unendingly free from opinion I only serve to serve in the service of translation and dictation, transcribing of today’s house meeting as I’m invisible in the oversized living room here and today the kids are going to go through their usual who’s shopping and not so usual who forgot to do the dishes Tuesday night so it sucks to come down to make coffee Wednesday early at the crack of dawn and dishes are piled up in the sink, actually both sides of the sink thank you very much, so as the faucet cannot even be moved around for coffee water which is why I lost it and flung half the dishes and pans out onto the back porch area (and this is me your scribe again, this incident likely explains the sixth item on the house meeting agenda which reads exactly just like this –“Who let the dogs out, aka who’s the dick who threw the dishes and stuff out back?)

But anyway let us (finally) get to what I’m guessing will be the crux of the majority of today’s meeting, cause the kids can pretty much whiz through the usual stuff and even item number six which everyone knows it was Bendy who threw that shit out back since he gets up that early every day plus when he was wicked high that very night was describing in exquisite detail the way it seemed items of metal and porcelain defied gravity and actually floated on the early morning soft gentle luscious easy does it Cali morning breeze, so anyway, I have just begun the introductions (and please mail in cards and letters and even emails of complaint but not texts since I’m not giving out my phone number to people I don’t know and hardly even to people I do), yes, I should have introduced the roommates first, oh well, ladeeda, so it goes at least so it’s gone so far here today,

And voila, the five who live on Paloma close by the relatively famous canals are Bendy White, Valencia Grove, Mabel Summerset, Dickie Von Hampster, and Rebecca Jesus who prefers it when people call her Becky, and item numero one of the agenda of this quintet today is this – “Please provide your opinion on the governmental dictatum of threat and abusing power which says if you don’t send your kids back to school late August early September whichever is applicable in your neck of the woods we are going to keep the money we normally give you for books and chocolate milk (those little cartons) at cafeteria lunch and salaries and a music teacher and everything like that because things feel too far out of whack when kids aren’t in school and enough already the poll numbers are as low as they’re going – we guarantee that peasants – and this was what the so-called President (and talk about assholes) said in a prime time national presser Sunday afternoon, even invoking what he had on personal authority from the Big Man in the sky himself, this is God’s will that these brats are sitting in classrooms Labor day or else, and (me again) everyone who complained about me not beginning today’s fairy tale with the names of the house mates will likely double down on their complaining that it has taken me

all this time and with all these so precious words to say this –

Oh, by the way, the whole country is drenched in this invisible virus which is killing people by the dozens and hundreds every day and fucking up peoples’ health for like ever and it’s not getting better and stupid people are keeping it from getting better but the head asshole is somewhat worried he can’t cheat enough if enough people are pissed at him and they actually can find a polling place and vote against him and the ballots aren’t magically lost, erased, misplaced, dumped, burned, incinerated, napalmed, held for later judgment (you get it) he’s thinking even he — second only to the man in the sky — the almighty ruler may lose and be kicked out of town and so fuck that, your kids go to school or you can’t imagine the shitstorm I will hover over your worthless heads, and one of the roommates (and the word in the pre-meeting conversation and reefer sharing and passing around of an industrial sized snickers is that it was Becky who put it there on the agenda), but,

See, doesn’t silly old time fly, which means – my children – you’re simply going to have to wait for part two tomorrow to hear just what everyone thinks about ‘the issue’.