now this

06/28/2022 0 By BuddyCushman

I’ve been impulsive.

A couple of hours ago I stopped reading a story I was really, really liking, while drinking coffee, and grabbed my Morning Pages and began writing. Then, I rushed out the morning door, without going the bathroom again, without brushing my teeth, heading off on my early walk.

Two Thursdays ago, sitting in the coffee shop waiting my turn for the open mic, I took my wedding ring off and slipped it into my cargo shorts pocket. I put it back on after I spoke – a ghostly inability to twirl it with my thumb, requiring its return. But a few days later I took it off again and placed it on the bureau top, figuring a few hours at the most. It’s sat there since. I’ve kept the ring on since the word ‘Divorce’, nearly 15 months ago, because it’s my only jewelry and because of the twirling thing. Maybe there’s some place for sentimentality in that choice as well. Just as likely, there isn’t. Mostly it was just all of a sudden taking it off. Impulsive.

On the other hand, last night at one of those ‘meetings’, four people, who’s turn to speak came before mine, said, in effect, “This is how you do it.” No ifs, ands, or buts. When it got to me I said, “I did it a different way.” There was nothing impulsive about it at all. The Universe rejoices in options. And, slightly older now, I don’t like being told how to do it. Kind of like Grace Slick said back in the day – “Point that flag somewhere else.” …. Well, a little.

I wasn’t trying to be oppositional, either last night with blowhards or this morning alone with myself. It’s different. Living with nearly all the scripts tucked away in a bureau drawer.

Now this. Now this.