oh, the sweetness of teensy bummers

01/10/2022 0 By BuddyCushman

My mind has felt looser lately. I could have said a ‘lot looser lately’ and cashed in on the musicality of alliterative daring. But, it’s not a lot – just some looser. This isn’t a concern for me, any wonderings about it, I kind of dig the weird stuff. Plus, here’s a highlight, I experience a ‘brakelessness’ with my looser mind, say a loss of self-editing and not just when I’m writing, but always – thinking, socializing (?), dreaming, phoning. There’s a ‘don’t give a rat’s ass’ quality to it, probably kind of obvious, but more is the peace of a freedom which includes trust and wide awareness (wicked wide awareness, oh alliterative giant) and caring. Caring for the planet and for fellow humans, for my own sweet place amidst the wonder of it all. Caring about me, even.

Originally, when out walking Sunday morning, I came up with ‘January Flowers’ as the title for this Monday post. The idea, spilled out while skipping (!) in circles around a piece of Balboa Park, was me talking trades – the then and now, the there and here, the once upon a time and the this very moment, fully in it. Gone is my soul mate, the love of my life, greatest friend and sharer of secrets. Here are January flowers. Colors, colors, colors. Complimentary oranges and blues. Wild reds. Glowing yellows. Everywhere, they literally leap for me on neighborhood strolls, on greater San Diego terra firma meanderings.

Teensy bummers? What I just described – the love of my life gone away, flowers abundant as the new year begins – that’s not one of them. I could run down a list – oh, you teensy bummers – but this post has gone on long enough. Loose mind. Silly goose mind.

It blows me away I’m still here – just that truth knocks me out. With glee. With on-my-knees thanks. Still here and drenched, absolutely washed all over, in and with kindness and friendship and interesting people and places. Feeling just fine with myself, too.

You see – barely a teensy bummer in sight.