pearl of the quarter

I was driving home from one of those early-morning meetings over by the ocean and I was stopped at a boulevard traffic light thinking about Susan – my ex-wife – and how I’d taken a picture of two turtles someone had amazingly and so colorfully painted on a fence near the Pannikin coffee shop and texted it to her because she loves turtles. And how I had not heard a word back, not a “thanks”, not anything. And I was thinking that that’s her side of the street and I thought to take and send the picture from mine, and mine’s the only one I get to do work on, and I suppose I was thinking the no response was cold, and it hurt, and maybe it’s enough now, to let go.

And while stopped at the light, having switched on my CD with the two radio stations I get playing crap songs, on came Steely Dan’s “Countdown to Ecstasy”, and the cut “Pearl of the Quarter” and out from the radio came this line – “And if you hear from my Louise won’t you tell her I love her so.” And I got it. Call it an “aha” moment or light slicing through a thickening fog, that was it. I love her this Thursday like I have all these years and I will and I want to, and I only want for her to be happy and feel the joy she creates and deserves, and to live each day in grace. But it seems I’m not allowed to tell her anymore. Even turtles won’t do it.

I guess every post I write here is personal – my inside weather – this feels a little more so. If you read this and if you happen to run into or bump into or hear from or have any kind of contact with my ex-wife, won’t you please tell her Buddy hopes her days are filled with laughter and joy and grace.

You read that somewhere.