upside down

I had two guys leave me messages that they may know a place for me to move to, as the word’s getting around, and it turns out they both had the same place in mind. And it turns out I thanked them unendingly for thinking of me, because it’s wicked lonely out here on the edge of the continent being the new kid, and I implied I was going to think about it and lean toward saying ‘No’, which in my case, with my notice and last day here in my current room seemingly rushing toward me, and sleeping in my car just a bit more possible, you’d think I’d be be falling on my knees and running toward the referred oasis.

Who knows. Maybe I will, a week from today, or a week from Saturday, if there remain no leads on where I can land my withered but still cute little butt next. The description of their referred place just felt like my ‘No’ was more of a ‘Yes’ in this world of mine today, on this path of mine today, the path – Pema says – is the only one I’ve got.

So I’ll keep signing up on roommate sites and I’ll keep answering Craigslist posts and if I answer 100 maybe I’ll hear from two – I have a hunch it’s a straight, old guy thing – and like my long-ago high school friend Donnie would say, “All you can do is all you can do.” And even my tentative ‘No’ feels within the realm of those don’t-drink-a-day-at-a-time folks language of “going any lengths” and “asking for help with complete abandon” and my own forever goal of being “all-in” in whatever it is I’m doing.

I came back a minute ago from Moonlight Beach and another foray into the big ocean with my boogie board. My ass was thoroughly kicked on the biggest wave I misjudged, big ouch, and I missed some others with poor timing and I caught some because little by slow I’m “getting it”. And sometimes there is a speed thing and a rushing over and through the water thing which is both scary and like a crazy good Halloween fright, has me yelling “yippee” . Anyway, how blessed am I to be out in the ocean on a green-and-blue board under a sunny blue sky the tail end of September, knowing I’m staring the possible end of those days straight on.

Late afternoon ravings here, in Encinitas, on a glorious day in which my birth certificate has not changed a smidge and I remain well under the influence of all-in sobriety, and periodically I say, to myself, “Wow, what a great adventure.” And hope for the sun to come up and out again tomorrow.