taking more space

I’m thinking of going online, seeking out and scoring a large vat of Brylcreem, and starting to get serious.

“I was talking when I should have been listening.” Husker Du – “What’s Going On (Inside My Head)?”

The idea of listening and not speaking is tangled up with the things I noted yesterday – How do I behave in the world these days in my 76th year when it comes to other people? Live largely as a hermit? Seek out the company of others? Share opinions? Generally remain silent? Share my own experiences, conscious of and trying never to use pronouns like you and we? : “This is how this was, and is, for me.” I’ve said it to Ann, and I have probably said it here: I have never, in all these years, felt more estranged from my fellow human beings than I do today. I’m clear about that. Simultaneously, I have never felt more available to fellow human beings as I do today. I’m clear about that too.

I guess I’m wondering how I best behave within my availability to other members of the species, whatever and however that is any given day. This isn’t something keeping me awake at night. There’s plenty of other stuff for that. It’s just kind of interesting. And the parameters of this/my wondering about this connection/interaction thing are spacious – far beyond what I have said here. Fortunately, if the creek don’t rise and there ain’t no meltdown, Thursday will show up with more space for wondering.