don’t worry baby

Brian Wilson died yesterday. I didn’t then, I don’t now, know what to do. It was like my little finger on my left hand was just gone. Brian, one of my few heroes. All my life. I flashed on the small patch of front lawn on High Street in Wareham, me 14 or 15, dancing wildly, I Get Around. Laying on the bed in my dark room before a high school basketball game, feeling a lot less than, to walk in late – In My Room.

Brian was the music guy. A musical rock and pop genius like no other. He always had strong collaborators for the words. The words were always great. I think he inspired them with the music.

My blog appears to have passed away just as suddenly, last Friday. Here and then not here. We were working on the Koan “Not knowing is most intimate” last week. I talked with my Zen teacher yesterday about it, all the not knowing stuff, wild in my life now. I talked with him about Brian Wilson too, told him the fact was/is my all-time favorite song in this world is, has, will be “Surfer Girl.” Brian wrote those words as well as the music. A rarity.

Like Couch Surfing showing up like this – assumes it does show up. Barely a subscriber in sight. No privacy. (l’ll accept all help with the Bcc thing. I will not publish again without Bcc privacy set-up, and that will require moment-by-moment, step-by-step, hand-holding guidance.) My life’s been pretty screwy, and quite difficult, and fairly magical these last weeks. And now Brian Wilson is gone. And the blog.