pep talks

I feel invisible here. In necessary things – a nicer place to live; a meaningful part-time job. There’s nearly no response to my outreach in those regards. Then again, I feel entirely visible when I sit in those meetings; and at the coffee shop; when strolling through this small city, kindnesses and caring exchanged with other citizens.

I met with my Zen teacher on Zoom yesterday afternoon, and it was lovely and pointed and I laughed a lot. I had early morning coffee with a nice man I’d just met. I walked down to the library and back, on the way back a belligerent homeless guy yelled out “Fuck you” to me, and then I stood over the creek and watched the smallest of fish swim and play and do their fish things And I did some almost surely preventable but I haven’t quite got the hang of that yet suffering in this room.

One of the baristas made an extra order of bacon egg bites, so gave me two orders for the price of one. As a valued customer. Earlier someone told me she liked what I had to say. It sounded, she said, like a pep talk.