there was a time

I do not feel confused, not really. Yet I have never in my life felt so not knowing – about me; about this world; about my place and behaving in it. Here, San Luis Obispo, now. Not knowing anything. I’m not saying this to be cute or poetic or mysterious. I just walk around, or more lately drive around. I sit in the coffee shop and on a bench partway up Madonna Mountain and on a bench over Avila Beach, and the entire time I don’t know what’s good for me. I just don’t.

I was dancing, by myself, to the James Brown Band on the mountainside yesterday. I don’t know about it, but it felt good, way up there, the city spread out below, the hum of the 101 heading north and heading south, humans passing. I had this thought that Wareham kids got more soul than most folks. But maybe it takes a Wareham kid to say that. I don’t know.