all the lonely person

The last couple of days I’ve talked here about whimsically finding my way into what I’ll call a keto lifestyle – my diet radiating out into the vast areas of my life – and living there mostly full-on these past six-plus years. Yesterday’s post concluded with a reference to a “darker side” of this life.

I’ll be brief. All of a sudden I wasn’t eating what everyone else was eating. All of a sudden I stopped going to restaurants with the then-family, and since with most everyone else. There have been and are “cheat days,” re-set days, like my last birthday when I enjoyed three pieces of carrot cake with cream cheese frosting and a dish of ice cream. There have been pizza days, and cheeseburger and chocolate shake days at sacred Hodad’s in OB. Every once in a while permission for a veggie burrito, beans and tortilla kicking my little butt out of any keto area code.

But mostly, enough brain cells still firing to truly grasp the amazing benefits, I have been loyal to each day in the 50 carb area, the first year most of the time at 20 a day. The last couple of years an addiction to peanut butter and yogurt as breakfast has conspired to mess with the plan. But not too much. So, the reference to “darker” is that keto easily joined up with my “solo” tendencies – meditation, writing, reading, walking, daydreaming – which, I believe, sprung from somewhere within the great nature/nurture original face space of my life. And have me alone a lot. Keto kind of piled on.

I like being around people well enough, and I like the persona of hermit too. Keto as co-conspirator. I never seem to have a real feel for what’s unhealthy and what’s just me. What’s plain old anti-social and what expresses a thing which may be called my true nature. There aren’t answers in this conversation with myself. “Lonely” is an interesting idea, and if I was asked to come up with a bunch of descriptive words of how I feel, and how I am, lonely would be way down the list. Still, all the blessings I talk about and know as a result of another whimsy in my life, Gavin’s “Oh yeah,” come with something akin to dues.